Posted by: Raws | July 7, 2011

Back to the Sadness of Saying Goodbye

Every time I leave a place I connect with, like my mom’s house or my dad’s, I struggle with saying goodbye.  Especially when said place promises comfort or fun times.  When I leave one of my “safe havens” the feeling I get is more anxiety than sadness with a touch of lost. Loss of potential memories that could have been.  This emotion only lasts as long as it take for me to acclimate to the current place and people.

But things are different when someone dies.  That feeling of loss is stronger, the world fogs up, and depression sets in numbing everything.  I’m back at my dad’s where the sadness is palpable.  It’s really weird to feel depression and sadness coming from other people. I’m surrounded by the feeling instead of it coming from within me (with no one else noticing).  I try not to make a habit of being depressed but I know what it feels like.

Overwhelming and hard not to get sucked in.  Music helps a ton.  Plus another place and people to run to when things get too tense.

Last week was the funeral and tomorrow is the huge memorial service.  Celebration of Life, or whatever.  Everyone grieves differently.  But dragging things out doesn’t seem too healthy.

Hopefully tomorrow everyone will be able to say their goodbyes to the one we lost.


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