Posted by: Raws | April 26, 2011

Writing Limbo 5: Looking Over the Old Stuff

Despite the late hour, I still wanted to try to get more of my story, Limbo, out onto digital paper. But after the small chunk I wrote last week I feel a bit lost at how to begin.  For inspiration I started looking over an older version of this part.  I rather like it.  I want to rework it into the new one somehow, but one problem is it’s written in more of a 3rd person omniscient than a 3rd person view from one character. It’s almost from Zander’s 3rd POV. The beginning part focuses on him, but by the end it pulls out to a broader view. Plus there’s all the other changes the beginning has gone through.

I want to post it to show the changes I’ve made to the story and its characters.  Tomorrow  This weekend I’ll post the new version and my thoughts on what I did. The only thing I’ve changed so far are the names.

Here it is, in all it’s unpolished glory.

Zander awoke slowly, with the dream still fresh in his mind. The last time he had an actual dream was before that time. This wasn’t an ordinary dream though; it had been a memory of his life before living in the city-dome. The dream its self wasn’t what put him at unease it was what happened after his brief memory of his first meeting with /her/. He hated himself for being so trusting and innocent back then. But in the end, he knew nothing would’ve made a difference. He couldn’t change the fact that he was unable to sense a Reaver. Even if one were right in front of him, he wouldn’t be able to feel any difference. Remembering what the Reaver had told him sickened him.

Zander pushed the memory away—trying not to remember it—he turned to other puzzling thoughts, which had formed upon awakening.

Why was he dreaming about the past now?

Ever since Zander had entered the city-dome he only had one reoccurring dream, the one she had given him. But then again, nothing was the same since that day. Zander couldn’t seem to get the topic out of his mind. He was saved from his thoughts as the girl beside him began to stir.

The feelings that lingered from his memories weren’t as easily changed as his thoughts when his attention switched to one of his companions. He still felt irritable and his mood showed plainly on his face.

She was fully awake when he looked at her. Seeing the look in his eyes told her something was wrong. 

“Are you alright Zander?” She asked.

“It’s nothing you have to worry about Cyra… just a bad dream…” He tried to shake off the emotions and memories, but it didn’t seem to be working. He attempted to mask his thoughts by managing a pathetic smile.

Cyra wasn’t one to be fooled by his weak attempt to mask his feelings. They had known each other since second grade so nothing would get by her. She could tell when something bothered him. Most of the time, Cyra fit the stereotypical blond but every once in awhile she would say something too serious for her usual cheerful exterior. This was one of those moments when she began to speak in a somber tone, “Nothing ever goes away, no matter how long ago it happened. The only way to get rid of it is to come to terms with it.”

Cyra placed one of her slender hands comfortingly on his knee. He felt as if he could kiss her at that very moment while everything seemed to stand still. But he didn’t get the chance because the fifth member of their group began to awaken. The fourteen-year-old boy—on the other side of Cyra—was wide awake in a matter of seconds seemingly knowing something was going on. The good thing was that Cyra and Zander were comfortable with showing affection.

Feeling as if he had caught them in an awkward moment the young teen grinned. He expected Cyra to pull her hand away with embarrassment but it didn’t happen.

“You look like you just caught someone with their hand in a cookie jar, Martin.”

Confused and unable to reply Martin watched the both of them get out of the car and head towards the store, where two others from their group could be seen through the windows browsing the aisles for breakfast.

“Better luck next time!” Zander called back to him before heading in behind Sarah with a grin on his face.

Martin was left with a ‘What just happened?’ look on his face before he decided to go in after them.

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